I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
