I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
