My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
