More tranny stories later!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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