come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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