Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
