two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
