Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
