I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
