i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
