he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
