I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize