tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he fucked my hip out of place.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
