i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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