I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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