Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
