Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
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