I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
tell your sister to shave her snatch
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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