Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
