Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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