Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
