I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
