bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
