I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
