I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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