In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
