I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
