I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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