He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize