she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
