2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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