Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
