Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
