I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
