I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
