If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
