I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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