I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
