I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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