You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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