By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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