I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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