his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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