Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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