I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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