Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
