i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
