Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
