who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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