please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
