I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
