The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
