i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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