i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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