there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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