Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
