Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
