Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize