What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
