Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
