i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize