Four minutes until I can fart!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
