I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
