that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
