I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
