just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
