This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
