i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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