I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
