sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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