can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's shark week go big or go home
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
