The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
