I wish my penis had an off switch
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
