I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
