Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
