So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
