meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We had to coat check the pizza.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
