Kiss
Puke
Apparently you make a good broom.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
